- Spike to Buffy, in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
This morning, after Subuh, I made sujud syukur.
Thanking Allah for blessing me with a good husband and beautiful children.
Thanking Allah for strenghtening the relationship and love between hubby and I.
It has been four years.
1 plus 1 now equals 4 and a half.I still remember Mak calling me while I was driving back home from Jalan TAR. It was near 6.00 p.m. and the majlis akad nikah was scheduled after Isyak that night. I had to go out and buy matching tudung and selendang for my wedding outfits as two of the pairs given by the tailor, the purple and the blue ones, did not really match the respective baju*
"Kak, where are you?"
"On the way, on the way..." I hadn't prayed Asar yet, but by then I was already in Section 16, PJ. Not that far from home
"It's almost 6.00 p.m."
"I know, I know..."
"Jangan sampai pengantin perempuan pula yang tak ada bila pengantin laki sampai..."
I smiled.
Allah willing, I would not turn my back on the solemn ceremony for no good reasons.
And I had no good reason to do so.
The truth? I was scared. I had doubts - mostly at myself. I've seen how Ummi failed at maintaining her marriages - both to Ayah and Pakcik. Other people told me that I should not worry too much - I could learn from Mak and Ayah. But no matter how close I am to Mak, it's Ummi's blood that flow in my vein, so the worry was (still is) there all along. I've said this before and I'm saying this again because for me it's true - children from broken homes try harder at making their marriages work because they have first hand experiences of the pain brought by failed marriages.
So I knew I must give it a try first. And pray for the best.
*****
"You have not known him for long - are you sure that you're not rushing things?," a concerned friend asked.
We were engaged a month after we first met. The wedding was less than three months after we were engaged. So yes, it might seemed like we were rushing things. But this thing called 'jodoh' works differently for different people. Some have known their partner for ages, but their marriage didn't last that long. Some took ages before marrying a person they've known all along to be their soul mates. And some, like us, didn't take that long before marrying each other.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has arranged it in such a way that we met when we were both ready to make commitment. We were both aware that by agreeing to marry each other, we were doing it to "complete our deen", to fufill a sunnah as Muslims, as there's a hadith which states clearly that marriage is part of the sunnah of Rasulullah and whoever turns away from the sunnah does not belong to him.
Despite initially not feeling all the "chemistry thingy" with hubby, I was also ready to love and fall in love with one man that deserves it all - my husband. I'm a bit traditional in that I've never said "I love you" to another guy. I'm sure I must have said words like "I care for", or "I like", or some words to that effect to those who had my affection before, but I've never said "I love you". I've been reserving the "three little words" all along for my husband, as I wished to whisper them not only into his ear, but also into his heart. And for the words to have meaning that deep, they have to come from the very bottom of my heart.
Oh, but I've also known all along that love does not mean everything is going to be fine all the time. We have had our shares of disagreements. We may not always get along all the time. We may not always share the same perspectives all the time. But we are also willing to apologize, to forgive, to compromise, to listen to each other, to make changes - all for the better, for ourselves, and for each other.
And so today I thank Allah, for uniting us as husband and wife, for blessing us with rahmah and mawaddah, and for making me feel comfortable with my beloved hubby, but still getting weak knees upon seeing him smiling at me from afar.
During our kenduri in Kampung Tunku
4 years later (in an attempt to sorok my large perut, he he)
(Note: The guy in charge of my wedding outfits bad-mouthed me in the office when I returned a borrowed samping with a stain after the wedding. Hubby was unsure if the stain was there all along or if it was there after he used it. But whatever it was - I'm quite sure that the amount I paid the guy for the outfits was more than enough to cover for dry cleaning.
Besides;
* He never gave me a quotation of his service, otherwise I might have considered using other "andaman" service. I wanted to help him supplement his income as he was a support staff in the office. I kept asking for a quotation in advance, but he never gave me even an estimate and only when it was already fait accompli, he asked for the payment which, if I had used another andaman house, might cover not only the outfits, but also wedding photography and videography services.
* Apart from giving me two sets of tudung and selendang that did not match the wedding outfits, he 'lent' me some make-up stuff that screamed cheap and might passed their expiry dates, when he earlier promised to loan some good make-up kit for my wedding, as part of his service. I had to buy my own make-up, and borrowed some from my aunt, Nyah.
* Later on, when he was supposed to be in charge of a farewell party for me in the old office, he neither invited nor informed me of the party. Imagine - I was not even invited to a farewell party which was supposed to be held in my honor. His excuse was - I was in my late pregnancy stage and 'takut meletup kat ofis'. Shouldn't I be the one to decide whether or not to attend the party? It was held 3 days before I gave birth to Huzaifah, so I'm pretty sure if I'd been informed beforehand, I would make it a point to attend it.
* He collected some money from colleagues in the old office to buy a farewell gift for me before I gave birth to Huzaifah and went to Japan. The gift, if he even bought one, never reach me.)
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